So this is it! After 10 months we've finally come to the end... and it's sort of disappointing that I don't have something more profound to say than simply, "I'm coming home!"

But that's really all I've got.

My computer is broken, so even though I'll be in Japan for another week, today is my last day with Internet access--my last day to use this crappy old computer in this grey, second floor teacher's lounge.

It's the end, and I know it... but I'm not really that sad or distraught or full of dread for the flight home... I ... just ... am. I'm just here, sitting, typing slowly, nothing really on my mind at all.

The students are upstairs in biology class, today my last day so see them... it's the thing that tears are made of, and yet, its strange how that short period of time--say, a week or so--before you return home is like morphine for your feelings, dulling your senses completely, washing your mind completely hollow.

You want to treasure every last moment, preserve it somehow in your mind...

You want it to be there always, to be able to reach out and just touch it, pull it from thin air.

You want your memories to be just that crisp, and vivid...

...and yet, you don't know what to think, because, it's the end, and your mind just isn't processing things right, and you're talking to your students, and in your head you KNOW that this is it, but yet, your mind tricks you and says: there's tomorrow! It's going to continue like this! It's not really the end! You'll get to see her face tomorrow and tease her about her boyfriend, and you'll get to see his face tomorrow and kid him about his weekend activities...

But it is the end, of this at least, and though I'll be back to Japan and see those stunningly beautiful eyes again someday, this part of my life, is about to wind up; perhaps the greatest learning experience anyone could have hoped for... is over.

Their eyes will keep shining when I'm on the plane and when I land and on and on to eternity. Those eyes will wait.

...

Not a very profound reflection, I know.

It's just that for everything that is to be said about Japan, and how crazy and weird and strange and great and -insert adjective here- that it is, I think after living here for a year I've learned it's not so different as we'd like to paint it. First Japan was all of that, those descriptive, exotic words, and then Japan is the place that you lay your head at night, the place you call home.

A home with a cellphone full of friends and Saturday nights full of fun and weekdays full of work. A place just like any other, that despite it's oddities is still just a place, and I've learned that living here with that frame of mind, was ultimately the best way to live.

I know it doesn't make sense.

I already said I have nothing profound to say.

I'm terrified to get on that airplane... because, you know, the moment you truly realize you are actually at THE END... well, that is the hardest moment of all.

...

I'll be back in Nebraska on Saturday, June 25th at about 5 p.m. and will probably be in Lincoln around 6:30 or so. I'm planning on getting together at Bisonwitches for some greasy American food and then maybe going to the bars for a bit.

So if you'd like to see what reverse culture shock looks like up close and personal, by all means drop a comment in this thread and I'll try and give you a call when I get in and let you know my plans.

See you on the other side.